i'm right, you're wrong

waa-mburger

2011-09-29T06:48:00.002-06:00

yesterday a woman in a neighbouring building was screaming at the top of her lungs at 10pm on her balcony.
she was allegedly strangled but got away.
as we all sat downstairs looking up at her crying.
all i could think was 'god damn im hungry'.

troof in the booth

2011-09-28T12:41:00.003-06:00

secretly i'm an underground rap battler that goes by the name of cizzle. (sizzle with a c)
i recently battled a native american for the crown.
in the third round i dropped some heavy shit on him.

take off that hat boy lemme see that mohawk / give a tic tac to this mic mac so shit spittin he'll stop / your moms a navajo and she sucked my cock / rode up on this pussy, heard he was cree / thought he was a pirate: arr metis.

a single tear rolled down his cheek at the trash i unleashed on him.

the truth about the truth

2008-11-03T16:09:00.001-07:00

it's only allowed
when
someone else's ass is on the line.

letters from cody part 1

2008-10-30T09:25:00.002-06:00

dear neal

today i pooped in a trashcan.

love cody

cowboy boots

2008-08-31T00:21:00.003-06:00

when i blink, you hear it.
when i breathe, you feel it.
when i sleep, you dream about me.
im trying not to wake you up.

on my ranch.

2008-08-23T20:30:00.000-06:00

i want to own cowboy boots.

i would wear them on a plot of land i bought, and i would raise this plot of land to grow up into a ranch.

and on my ranch, i would have a small quaint house. the rooms in this house would consist of-
a small kitchen, with every major appliance. including a magic bullet.
a nice sized bedroom. above my bed would hang a pump action remington 870 shotgun.
a room for my movies. which i would dedicate one night per week watching each one alphabetically.
a room for my writing of movies. a wall of note cards as far as the eye could see. filled with my genius.
a bathroom which features a toilet thats big enough to flush an elephant down.
there would be some more rooms too. but i dont have plans for them yet.

and on my ranch, my back yard would be huge. it would be a massive plot of land that included my own mini forest.
i would put cement down on a spot of land. the cement would cover roughly the size of half a football field. i would put shelter over it. when it would rain i will go out to this plot of land and with my cowboy boots i would teach myself how to play 'a nice way to kill old people' by ed gein on drums. when i finished teaching myself that on drums, i would forget how, and learn it again.

also in my backyard i would treat the grass like it was my own plot of heaven. i would dedicate 5 months to make it the best looking lawn youve ever seen. ever. then i would by cows and horses and let them roam free in the backyard of my ranch. they would eat like kings.

then, on my ranch every december i would lay on top of the roof of my little house, and with a hunting rifle with a medium distance scope on it. i would shoot every single animal i owned. i would shoot the cows first. babys to start things off. then i would work my way up. the blood would splatter on the snow. it'll look almost as beautiful as the lawn as you were picturing beforehand. i would shoot one at a time. then take the cow to my cemented shelter, and continue to butcher it. slicing all sorts of premium meats. that way i would have my food supply for the winter and most summers.

god i want cowboy boots.

sick sick fuck yeast

2008-08-20T18:04:00.001-06:00

two tones gone.
the devils wearing my underwear,
bubbles been blown.
stride gum doesnt last forever.

i feel its right to kill.

2008-08-05T19:03:00.002-06:00

if i disappear out of thin air.
no note, no trace, no paper trail.
dont panic.

you wouldnt anyways.

yeah

2008-04-23T15:41:00.000-06:00

so what?

day three without you

2008-01-16T09:22:00.000-07:00

i woke up this morning. expecting an answer. you said youd give me one in the morning but i think you just said it to shut me up. its crazy to think you can forgive me this quick. i slept amazing. i woke up with you in my arms, sorry, old habit. you left today and i wont see you today for another 12 hours. in these twelve hours i have alot to do.

this sofar is day three without you.

day two without you

2008-01-15T17:00:00.000-07:00

this morning i woke up to your phone call. twice. you wanted your scarf. i looked around for it and couldnt find it. i failed you once again. i was up all night putting together a photo album of when i was a kid. trying to show you a little bit about who i am and whatever. i hope you read it.

i saw you at lunch time. i couldnt look at you without crying. you gave me money to send neal for my birthday present. we drove around, i cried some more. you came inside, i cried some more. you took a small duffle bag and grabbed more clothes, clothes you wear when you go out. im afraid there is someone else. who can treat you better than i have. im sorry. i have until saturday to get you back. and im working hard at it.

today i went and picked up something. its a piece of my final project so to speak. i went to a different place and got you lillies, your favorite. i know thats not enough for you to want me again but, im progressing forward. i dont know what i can do, but i have to find out by saturday. i got little sleep lastnight because of it. i wont sleep tonight. i have one more thing for you tomorrow. you're going out with your friends tomorrow so i have to meet you at noon. thats okay.

i came and saw you to drop off some sushi. i couldnt stay there for very long and as i looked at you, you had a blank face, i cried. i stood outside your building and cried. i leaned up against the wall put my hand in my face and cried. i walked to a&w to catch a cab, thats our spot for cabs.. i got home and sat on my couch.

you came and picked me up and we drove to thickwood baseball parks where we watched lightning one day. we talked. you told me you missed me and cried hard. we talked about the prospects of being together. i need you to trust me again. you asked me about the last 5 years of my life, i told you everything. things you didnt want to hear. you said it was over forsure.

i couldnt find what i was looking for. "maybe its a sign" you said. i hope not. you came over and we watched 5 minutes of blake snake moan. i cried alot tonight while you were here. i hope to sleep alot better tonight.

this was day two without you.

day one without you

2008-01-14T08:53:00.000-07:00

i fell asleep at work. and i woke up to go on a run. that was the only time i didnt think about you tonight. but as soon as i got out the door i thought to myself 'god i cant wait to crawl into bed and sleep with you' but you wont be here for a while. my eyes burn. alot. i got home and i hit the bottle. i want to sleep, and never wake up.

lastnight i was so close. pressed into my skin that was about to break. stopping thinking 'maybe i should see if i get another chance before i do this'. i love you.

i almost dialed your number when i got home, forgetting you would answer happily, but have it turned to complete disgust. not to mention you said if i loved you, id have to let you do this.

i couldnt sleep. i layed in bed, tossing and turning. i am so hungry but i have no desire to eat. i havnt really done anything. i tried to play xbox but it isnt working. i think im going to go for a walk.

i had a small plate of spaghetti for supper. i couldnt eat anymore. we talked on the phone and you said it was over. im not letting you go this way. im not letting you go. im going to do whatever it takes to get you back.

this was day one without you.

There's A New Fuck You In Town, and His Name is CN

2008-01-03T22:19:00.000-07:00

Hey Jerkbottoms-
So, I'm taking over this here town. I'll be putting the rants I don't want prospective employers to see here. They check myspace now, you know. Fuckers. Anyway, here's a two-headed nugget, one about surveys and one about why you don't go to my art shows. Eat it:

SURVEY THIS
Let me just tell you, my e-friends out there, if you have ever said/wrote this: "I was bored, so I filled out this survey", I don't want to talk to you fucking ever again. Seriously. I know I'll lose some good pals, but if you don't have anything better to do than mentally masturbate yourself by filling out a survey, please go make out with a loaded gun or direct yourself to the nearest freeway and lie down. Just not on the 10, because traffic is moving so slow, the only thing you'd get is sleepy.

If you're bored, here's an idea: GO READ A FUCKING BOOK. You remember books, right? Those things with the pages that don't have fucking html on them? Yeah. You know, made out of paper usually. Reading a book doesn't take any skill, just a pair of eyes and half a brain. The world needs less narcissism and more knowledgable people. Read a book on how to build a deck, or the history of England, or punk rock, or Martin Luther King, Jr. Seriously. Anything. Read Everyone Poops for fuck's sake, just stop shitting on my eyeballs with your egomaniacal misspelled self important prose.

If I gave a fuck about what your favorite soda was or what is the last text message on your phone is or if you have a crush on someone, I would fucking ask. You people are like those smelly homeless junkies walking around santa monica trying to get me to give them money. I don't need a story, I know you need the dough for some smack or a juicy bottle of maddog 20/20, so just take the fifty cents and fucking beat it--I'm not your parents and this is not your fucking allowance.

Same thing goes for you bored assholes out there. Stow it, crapsniffers, no one cares. It's a tough world, get used to it. If I may quote the best movie in the world, The Breakfast Club: Andrew (To Allison) " Okay, fine...but I didn't dump my purse out on the couch and invite people into my problems...Did I?" Keep that in mind next time you're bored. Go pick up a book, loser.

HEY, SORRY I DIDN'T MAKE IT TO YOUR ART SHOW...

come to my show, asshole. enough with the fucking stupid excuses. parade? friend's birthday? family event? bullshit. parades are fucking dumb, your friend hates you and the cool shit you have and just wants to get drunk for free and everyone knows family blows. yeah, that rhymes, so fucking what? why don't you skip the three hours of watching fire trucks, soccer moms with pom-poms and fat highschool band geeks playing louie-louie four steps out of tune, bring your alcoholic attention whore of a friend or your fucked up family to my show? there you can get them drunk and forget about the pain and expose them to culture, you know the kind that isn't dancing with the douchebag f-list stars or nascar. fuck you guys. that's all i'm saying.

2007-06-13T15:56:00.000-06:00

ps.

i retired because i am in love.

fork and the knife.

2007-02-04T12:27:00.000-07:00

the most amazing feeling in the world, is when you wake up, with a beautiful girl in your arms. opening your eyes and looking down to see a girl nestled into you give me no greater satisfaction. regardless of what went on the night before, you know you're there now and whats now is this girl holding onto you in her subconscious. aside from the satisfaction there's messy, dirty hair and make up thats worn off, morning breath kisses. there is nothing more real than seeing a person at their worst, and still loving every second of it.

stepping on eggshells like elephants

2007-01-26T17:42:00.001-07:00

i only shovel the driveway because it makes me forget where exactly i am.

kalory kounting kids - kkk

2007-01-08T17:58:00.000-07:00

while on my hunger strike, i try to drink a slush every day to put something in my stomach. and i was at the kool stop convinient store here on 40th and dunbar, and there were these two girls about 11 years old. and one said to the other 'do you know how many calories are in a slurpee' the other replied 'no, how much'. then she replied, 'i dont know. but i dont like them. they taste bad'.

is this what parents are teaching their kids, that calories have a taste, and they're bad. no no no. broccoli has a taste, and its recchid. im still shocked that this girls misguided information is preventing her from enjoying the most enjoyable frozen beverage on the face of the planet. fucking idiiots.

a year in review: le femme.

2006-12-31T00:10:00.000-07:00

2006 has held some milestones for me. i graduate school. i had sex. i lost friends. i gained friends.
i can say that im pretty pleased of what 2006 had instore with me. especially girl wise.

i rekindled a friendship, which lead to more than that. it ended months later. it was unfair how i was treated. i deserved better. and i never got it. what a shame.

my friend ashley abandoned me. she came to visit me in august. then in september she told me she was pregnant with her ex boyfriends baby. when she was in town she telling me he was threatening to kill himself, and all this garbage. i told ashley i lost respect for her. she stopped talking to me. i tried to talk to her before i came to mcmurray and she told me we're done being friends. 5 years of my life wasted. had i known she was going to bail on me i wouldn't have bothered. if you dig up the archives you'll find some posts about her.

i met my first girl who wasnt in film school this year. her name was heather. it fizzled faster than my dick at a gay fest.

i finally met a girl ive been avoiding to meet for like a decade. she lived on my street for ever, then i started seeing her at bars. i had her on msn for a few years and we spoke alot. i had a crush on her. i finally met her. and im sad i never did it earlier. but we met. we hung out. i kissed her on my birthday.

The Truth Citizen of the Month: December

2006-12-11T23:21:00.000-07:00

Robert Yates:

"I ain't down with hitting a woman, but I'll light a bitch on fire".

december 4th dreams

2006-12-05T20:08:00.000-07:00

east vancouver,
or what i thought, lower manhattan.
waiting for a bus with 9 people ive never met before.
morning becomes day, day becomes afternoon,
afternoon becomes night.
i walk to a near by hotel to catch a cab
and get shot in the head with a glock.
i wake up in this apartment, i am alive.
i walk around the apartment and plan my revenge.

i woke up this morning with a headache, and without a fear of dying.

car accidents.

2006-11-27T23:26:00.000-07:00

i know i always say this when i have a day without communication. but today was probably one of the lonliest days ive had in a loong time.
my power went off lastnight. and with it went my internet and cable. when i woke up the power was back on, but internet and cable were not. i tried to pass time by playing video games. it worked for the most part. i was a hermit all day, alone. the snowfall is doing a good job of making me miss people. i made a phone call but the reciever of that call was too busy talking to someone in the same room as him to even care for the story i was telling.
it seems my friends are easy to give up on me lately.

i pullled a michael richards

2006-11-24T12:48:00.000-07:00

except it was on a dog.

fixing me deviated septum

2006-11-23T03:44:00.000-07:00

i refrain from writing sometimes because i feel pathetic that i still write about ex girlfriends.
i shouldnt be because everybody thinks of their ex.
i guess id just like her to give me round two when she reads my words..
..now thats pathetic.

the only reason: fish

2006-11-17T16:15:00.000-07:00

the only reason why i eat fish, is to look good infront of health nuts.

north north north

2006-11-16T16:30:00.000-07:00

im going back to fort mcmurray for eight days..
..fuckk..
im kind of looking forward to seeing people.
i have a core group of friends that i want to see.
but. really i think im going to be disappointed.
i dont know why but i always am when i go there.
fuuuuckkk.

'id give the beating half to you'.

2006-11-07T01:04:00.000-07:00

"i just called, to say i like you"
but the phone was busy;
as i rehearse for days.

you called me back
said you were on the other line.
with whats his face.

i guess you failed to tell me,
or i failed to pick up what you were putting down.
ive been tired.

you've been lying to me
since the moment i threw up..
i hated being alone in your house.

its this that hurts the most.
voice cracks.

wine painted polaroids

2006-11-04T23:08:00.000-07:00

a jewish bakery;
and it rains when i get angry.
its the only question, that ive found hard.
do i like swimming?
its been raining for days, and ive never been happier.
smoking never looked so sexy.

language just happened

2006-10-31T13:01:00.000-07:00

sometimes i wonder, if there is a sign around my neck that says 'dear ladies, treat me like shit, please'.
i wonder. because that seems to be whats going on. in one swift move ive become a ghost and my phone doesn't ring. even when she says she'd call. familiar story (to me). this isn't the first girl to do this. hopefully its the last.
i dont mind being told that 'hey i dont like you' or you know something 4x worse, but just fucking say it. dont string me along. despite how much of a prick i am, i deserve better than that..

oh wait. heres the sign, it was hanging down my back. well then. that makes everything okay. . . . =\

lip rape.

2006-10-26T00:31:00.000-06:00

wash behind your ears: or else.

exerpts from saved emails.

2006-10-15T17:18:00.000-06:00

[one] recieved: april 25th 2004: i miss what we had...you kept me afloat, i suppose.
[one] recieved: january 6th 2005: i think its about time you go get yourself another celabatory lap dance.
[one] recieved: may 12th 2005: ...some of the really dykey chicks here kind of look like guys...
[one] recieved: may 20th 2005: i was scared you hated me.
[one] recieved: june 5th 2005: my leg still freakin hurts from bowling.
[one] recieved: june 26th 2005: i'm so sorry I fell asleep on you tonight, you're just that comfortable...come back to me in one piece.
[one] recieved: july 1st 2005: i miss you.
[one] recieved: september 8th 2005: lovell's, whittier.
[one] recieved: september 4th 2006: i feel guilty if i want to hang out with someone.
[two] recieved: october 12th 2006: hope to hear back from you soon, with yet another palindrome.

as you see it: me

2006-10-12T12:32:00.000-06:00

attack.

as i see it: julia niendorf

2006-10-04T15:11:00.000-06:00

gross. aka julia niendorf. shes my talented writer and colleague here in vancouver. ive heard and smelt her farts as well as she has mine. we're that tight. you did punk me hard. and im still not over it. earlier this year julia threw up the idea of us living together. so i was like yeah totally. months later when im about to graduate i start to look for places and then when i tell her ive found some places i get the responce 'oh i didn't mean now. like next year'... fucking dick. you're also taking me way to seriously lately and its fucking annoying how defensive you get over jokes. what happened to the old julia. you also dont really listen when people say things when you have an idea in your head. you'll just say 'yeah' then continue with your thought without giving any real acknowledgement to what anyone else has to say. and the other end of not listening is really you talk loud.. you also got tamacocked ;)

next up: random.

as i see it: chelsea west

2006-10-03T02:50:00.000-06:00

chelsea west. a dear friend of mine. sometimes i love you, sometimes i hate you. but i cant really justify my hate because it usually blows over pretty fast. i think you put yourself into sticky situations and when you get hurt i feel like a dick because i dont care because you dragged yourself into that mess. the whole laine thing was irritating with me. because you're stupid for wanting to be back with him. when he fucked you over i wanted to run up to your house, ring the door bell and say 'i told you so' then walk away. but i never. but i wanted to. you are a talented girl and i think you limit yourself just so you can still be around your friends, who in turn sometimes treat you like shit. for this you're basically an idiot. i think you should cut your ties. hang onto a handful of friends and just get the fuck out of fort mcmurray. go somewhere thats worth it. and yes that does not mean edmonton. you're better than that city. go, get out. you say you have a higher plan for yourself but then again it took you like 3 months to send me a package, so i dont know how commited you are to anything. i feel like i cant trust you told blair that i used to have a small crush on you, right after i told you.. especially after promicing to keep it to yourself. ive held back telling you things because i just dont trust you anymore. i expect a new painting, since the one you made me was just text. dont get me wrong, its hanging up, and i fucking love it especially for being valley of giants. but thats just you limiting yourself once more.

next up: julia niendorf

title

2006-09-23T01:03:00.000-06:00

post your name. and i'll the truth about you as i see it.

cody bown hates you.

2006-09-21T10:50:00.000-06:00

i want out.
im sick of this.

built on slavery

2006-09-18T23:00:00.000-06:00

the united states of america right now are going through a bill which will make the word 'nigger' safe to say. no longer will this word be a slur or derogatory comment. people claim that "america was built on slavery" and since the word nigger wasn't known as such a wrong word to say, the usa is trying to find out where it got lost in translation.
expect this bill to get passed, because it will give white rappers aka eminem a whole new diction as apposed to just rapping about killing his wife, hating moby, and hating faggots.

all in favour say i.

i.

today is a lie

2006-09-11T00:04:00.000-06:00

a weapon is still a weapon,
if you done use it.

your heart is still your heart.
-line two.

drinking and driving.

i knew it...

2006-09-05T02:16:00.000-06:00

canada place. my bed. hot dogs. mosaic. street corners. the fountains. the love statue. the aquarium. the beach. the 14 hour drives. panic at the disco. doritos. mugs of dr.pepper. large phone bills. edmonton zoo. thank you for smoking. daiseys. picture frames. food tray art. the art gallery. owen. mates of state. boston pizza. harbour centre. airport. toothbrush. $400 on a saturday night. smelling you on my pillow for days. ice harvest. burnaby for fun. cafe crepe. doing homework in my zero sweater. vanilla. easter bunny. sandy feets. diner at 2am with your friends. best donair in edmonton. the peacock in stanley park.

these are the ones im keeping:
first kiss. last kiss.

pamplemousse en francais

2006-08-31T22:57:00.000-06:00

tonight i watched a slideshow.
of pictures that i took,
but do not possess.
i cried a little.
i have no proof of those memories.
right now, thats all i have.
i hope i dont get alzheimers.

san defeats.

just punch me in the fucking throat already.

2006-08-31T01:12:00.000-06:00

the other day i mentioned that i was going to donate my hair to cancer.. a girl i knew laughed and said "thats still not going to make you a good person"...
it has got me thinking. and it is so true. le sigh. anyways. here is an exerpt from my book.

'a deck of cards: the sympathy card'.
after a stupid elementary of being afraid, frigit, and next to alone. i just gave up. i straight up thought i was the only one in the universe. how ignorant is that. decisions that i made were based on if i could get people to feel sorry for me. i remember saying to some of my female friends that i was going to kill myself. after the third time of me saying it, i only got responces of 'whatever'. i had run out of using the easy way out, as an excuse for people to be nice to me. instead of doing the natural thing and actually be a nice guy, i went out of my way to be an asshole and now it just comes natural to me. even when im trying to be a good guy. now that im 'all grown up' i can say that i have thought about killing myself, twice. i made an attempt once. i didn't really have a reason. i just fucked up my life up til that point. but not with drugs or alcohol just. physically and emotionally. i have only told few this. actually. maybe only one. but. i tried to drown myself in my bathtub. its an odd way to go. my uncle recently achieved this task, but in the atlantic ocean instead of a bath tub. reasons why are simple. i didn't want to leave my parents with a mess, or stains on furniture. i didn't want to do something where, if i wanted to opt out of it, i couldn't. im a coward. for the attempt, and for the failure. the other thought was stupid so i wont get into it. from then til now has been alot of years, but i have changed, not for the good i hear. i have become more frail and fragile (emotionally) and i am afraid of getting hurt every attempt that comes by. i feel better if im alone. but bitch about it in my head when my phone doesn't ring. i even told my parents this year i didn't want to spend christmas with them. not because i hate my parents. dont get me wrong. i love them. i just want to be by myself december 25th. ofcourse i would never revert to way of my uncle or ways of my brief lifeless past so you need not worry. im going to go to bed.

dont judge me.

just a ____ away

2006-08-23T11:04:00.000-06:00

just a phone call away:
answering machine.
just an instant message away:
no reply.
just a text message away:
batteries are dead.

just 5 hours away:
i cant drive.

e[u]phoric

2006-08-12T12:57:00.001-06:00

i lost feeling in my chest today.
stabbed a wound so big, my sternum broke;
into 74 pieces.

comox and the north pole.

when [b]reathing is no longer a necessity

2006-08-09T12:43:00.000-06:00

cold outside.
morning glow.
you would have found out by now,
in the afternoon
your shoulder blade.
we are still in bed.
the telephone rings, you have to go.
days earlier your fingers
along the small of my back,
i can feel it on my spine.
which is now more crooked than a screw.
im falling apart,
and i think my foot is broken.
where did i go wrong.
re-arrange:
breathe when you cant say i love you me.

exa[c]tly where you want me

2006-08-07T19:19:00.000-06:00

my first taste of a vagina.
was of a 14 year old girl.

excuse me for l[a]ying.

2006-08-04T17:34:00.000-06:00

i was really nervous how i left her there:

october 1984- she was on
her way home from school.
i drove by, she got in.

forrest lawn park- she was on
her hands and knees.
i drove back, on my own.

hold me closer

2006-08-04T01:03:00.000-06:00

i was so nervous the first time i touched her.
my heart trembling, instead of my fingers.
she sniffled, as i undid her dress.
if it feels so good, why is it so wrong.
i was twenty one...
she was twelve.

perfume from france

2006-07-31T07:56:00.000-06:00

lastnight i had a dream that you
kissed a guy named jeremy, while you
played super nintendo. you
assured me that you
still loved me. i
believed it.

three words i
havn't heard since april.

born in mustard

2006-07-28T22:43:00.000-06:00

i just about had a new design to the website. but then i realized not everybody has the same screen as me...

thanks alot, fags.

tour de suck: part two

2006-07-27T18:24:00.000-06:00

apparently the tour de france finished up this past couple of days, some american named 'landis' won it apparently. now. cool. whatever. no one even knew it was over because no one cared because lance wasn't in it and it wasn't making tv headlines.
it got back into the spotlight by this landis character testing positive for a high level ratio of testosterone: 11:1. what does that mean. i dont know.. why is this stupid 'event' (i say event because its not even close to being a sport) so dirty? why is everybody using performance enhancing drugs. the guys who placed 2nd, 3rd, 4th, and 5th i think, were disqualified this year due to testing positive...

fuck cycling.
im right once again.

wow!

2006-07-22T08:58:00.000-06:00

im having visitors from all over the place. even if you're stumbling in by accident and you're from one of the following places, please tell me a little about yourself:

rancho cordova, california
burnaby, bc
victoria, bc
north york, ontario
riverside, california
montreal, quebec
toronto, ontario
ann arbor, michigan
cairo, egypt
santa monica, california
springfield, massachusetts
hyattsville, maryland
abbotsford, bc
aurora, ontario
johnstown, colorado
new bern, north carolina
powder springs, georgia
brampton, ontario
sydney, australia
bangkok, thailand.

i once was a good write.

2006-07-22T00:32:00.000-06:00

i read through the old archives every five months, and i fucking love what i see. i hate what i write now because its not really that good. im going to do my damndest to be what i was. and write how i used to... im also going to revive beating an albatross. .
its time... you immigrant.

no motive

2006-07-20T23:26:00.000-06:00

i think the reason why i never get shit done, is because im not motivated enough.
i think back to all the shit i never accomplished is because i looked at the present, analyzed the situation and decided against it for the future. for example. i remember when i was at the age where getting your learners was the cool thing. i was looking online for potential vehicles, and i found like a bronco for about 4 grand. so i said to my parents. buy me this. i'll get my learners, get a job, and by the time i can get my license, i'll be able to pay for insurance. they said. 'how about you do all of that and we'll see'. i thought about it. then i was like, fuck that. there is no guarantee that i'll be driving something thats not my moms hurtin 'neon'. so i opted against it.
everything i have done to date has needed a reward before i attempted it. aside from film school. i straight up said to myself, im going to film school. i dont need to make movies now i can make them later.

it works.

its so hard to stay happy

2006-07-10T20:02:00.000-06:00

it is so hard to maintain a smile.
it is so hard to stay happy.
i cant go a day without thinking about how im going to pay the rent, or what im going to have to sell to get by.
its hard to know when im going to talk to the people i love again.
its harder to know, when im going to be happy..
one. more. time..

hate buying toilet paper?

2006-07-08T14:04:00.000-06:00

if you're like me, you hate buying toilet paper. why do i hate it? when a guy goes to buy toilet paper, you know what its for - to whipe his shitty asshole. i dont like when people know when i shit. sure i tell people i just took a mean shit, but thats an exclusive club. i dont like strangers, or girls knowing when i shit. the worst part about buying toilet paper, is that its usually only girls working at grocery stores. so they know exactly what you're doing.. another peeve of mine about toilet paper and buying it, is that you cant just buy it on its own. thats like straight up going to buy a porno mag. and just a porno mag. you have to buy a few things to make it look like you're picking something up just in case. when you go in to buy just a few rolls of tp, the cashier must be like "fuck, this guy has got to shit...gross". its like when girls go and buy tampons or pads, and just pads. when they're alone, its like "fuck, this girl has a bloddy vagina...gross". but when bought with a bunch of other products, we think nothing of it..
the solution
buy paper towel..
the other day i had to shit, but i knew i would run out of toilet paper. so i brought a roll of paper towel into the bathroom, just in case. and thank god because i needed it. so yesterday i came home and had to shit again, the worst part is, if i would have got off the bus and bought toilet paper, i would have shit all over myself. so i went straight home, and used paper towel to whipe my shitty asshole.. problem solved. the best part of using paper towel, is that 9 times out of 10, they have some sweet gimmick like "ultra absorbant" or "extra quilted" so you only really need one sheet per whipe. its amazing. try it out.

italia

2006-07-06T01:46:00.000-06:00

keep this picture in mind for the story im about to tell you, and the rant im about to go on...
i hate soccer. i get into the world cup every four years, and i have never been so frustrated in my watchings as i have been this year.. catching highlites in the early stages, i watched how the italians when tackled hit the ground like a sack of potatoes like they just got shot, clutching and grabbing their ankle, head, knee, or face as if they couldn't move. the trainer would come onto the pitch and spray mystery miracle spray, and the player would get back up like nothing happened. sure every team does it but no one does it better/more than the italians. i recently went to watch the semi finals between germany and italy at a place called jimmys. it was packed, with people of both fanbases. more from italy though. italy was controlling the game, for the most part, but as soon as the germans would touch the ball and then run by a defender, an italian hit the ground screaming bloody murder. and the play would stop. this took out any flow that the germans had, any sort of momentum, gone. and a free kick to the itias. then it went into extra time, same thing happened. no cards were given on the italians for being such pussies. i think they should implement a pink card, for when a player dies on the field, stops play, and then goes back into the game in no time. it'll be the 'pussy card'. and when you get booked a pussy card, you get taken off the pitch for five minutes. that'll teach you. now i understand why canadians suck so much at soccer, we're not diving vaginas.
anyways, now time for the story. after the bullshit 2-0 win over germany, the italian fans in vancouver went all out in doucheness. riding in their cars with their flags out their windows, causing all sorts of noise violations by honking their fucking horns down busy streets. james gave this guy a thumbs down, and out the window he yells 'faccckk youu ehuughhh'. the last big after the illiterate 'fuck you' was so inaudible that, you think you were trying to get rocky balboa with a mix of ozzy osbourne trying to say 'yeah'. i was tempted to call this fucker out of his car, but i was afraid that if i were to wind up at him, hed hit the ground and i'd get booked for a red card...
please for the love of god france, beat these fucking sweaty assholes...

more than

2006-07-03T05:15:00.000-06:00

'as much as i love hearing your voice,
i hate that i have to hear it from your answering machine'

five seven five die

2006-06-19T17:55:00.000-06:00

in a peaceful sleep,

fucking stab you in the face.

hang up on me now.

;( ;( ;( ;(

2006-06-04T22:51:00.000-06:00

im vomiting the water i have yet to piss out.
my stomach is empty.
so is my wallet; bank; and bed.

i've been sleeping on the floor,
where ever i fall.
the lights could be on,
or i could be opening my fridge.

my visions are dehydrated,
the sound of scraping sandpaper,
when i close my eyes.
i pick out residue in the morning.

silence.
all i can hear is my heart beating,
(pressed up against un-vacuumed carpet.)
and myself breathing.
a whistle in my right nostril.

i might not answer the phone,
i might not reply.

i might not wake up in the morning.

as my first love said to me: fuck you

2006-05-28T21:34:00.000-06:00

at 4am. i woke up.
i had cried in my sleep.
it was fucking weird.

i drew a heart on a piece of paper.

2006-05-28T03:17:00.000-06:00

you:
sitting at my table.
eating toast.
-jam.
binders open.
not using my pen.
doing homework.
wearing my zero sweater.

me:
missing every second of it.

i know where your dad hides his guns

2006-05-22T00:04:00.000-06:00

waiting for the roof to collapse.
i look straight up.
flinching every four seconds,
waiting.

rough patches on my back.
a blanket covers me.
i am bed ridden.
rough skin.

laguna beach, copyright, on television.
id rather hear metal vibrate on wood.
then fall onto the floor.
vibrating against garbage, the bible, and scrap letters to you.

bed sores.

generous

2006-05-19T20:49:00.000-06:00

this morning i got on the bus. listening to my music.
seven stops later a girl got on the bus.
she was bald, and f ourteen.
i asked her "do you have cancer?"
she said nothing. just staring at me.
i said "lets have sex. i know you'll die a virgin."
she agreed.
we got off the bus and walked back to her place.
when i came she said
"actually. im just bald"

i had sex with a fucking liar today...

im tired of losing myself

2006-05-15T00:03:00.000-06:00

what would i do with a million dollars?

-learn swedish.
-pay my favorite broken up bands to put out one. more. record.
-destroy calculators, one at a time.
-finance 'gregoire' and then film it.
-climb a pyramid in egypt.
-race people at the 100m dash in the special olympics. for money.
-live.

you?
if anyone reads this anymore.

ulu.

2006-05-09T01:00:00.000-06:00

is this what i have been reduced to?

-the.

movie update: may two thousand six

2006-05-07T23:05:00.000-06:00

well here is an update of my movies that i am working on. be it writing, concept or whatever.

concepts
swan
good: by paulo
in perfect cursive
mums the word
89th and cactus
ak sar ben
the octopus and i
wednesday
your fall
slow motion animal attacks
or: the movie

script process
amnesiest [100%]
my right breast [100%]
the day the leaves died [40%]
the lady club [15%]
untitled [10%]
gregoire [10%]
le bus [10%]
beating an albatross [5%]

i give up
iron fists and glass jaws
bangkouv'r
untitled baseball movie
untitled election mockumentary
godspeed, pol
the sound of

corkboard collections.

2006-05-03T00:02:00.000-06:00

one eye piece
one birthday reminder
two letters
two parking tickets
three movie ideas
three feet of film
four reciepts
seven tickets
sixteen pictures (nine smiles)
fourty six push-pins

add it up:
ninety-four times ive thought about you today

..all that's known is what's debatable again..

2006-04-30T22:24:00.000-06:00

"how do u measure happiness? is it by how much designer shit u own? how many friends u have? how much deneiros ur rockin in ur bank account? the size of ur house? the job u go to everyday? the car u drive?"

-i think that happiness is measured by feeling someone else's heart beat when they're in your arms, by the pains in your leg when they've been resting their head in your lap while you watch palindromes, by kisses right before bed that put you into the sweetest of dreams, but most importantly, i think that happiness is measured by the kilometers that pass they you're holding my hand and screams/laughter that fill the air on the rollercoaster in west ed.

t minus five, four, three, two, one. *

2006-04-24T13:52:00.000-06:00

happiness is only 24 hours away.
*a kiss.
i've missed it.
i thought i had nothing more to write about;
since i was no longer miserable.
however now i know there is such thing-
as happy poetry.
this is one of them.

24 hours of on an off sleep.
2 provinces in one day.
i hate using numbers.

dear ladies: 2003

2006-04-18T20:31:00.000-06:00

audio rant: ipods

2006-04-08T02:57:00.000-06:00

rant on ipods:

ipod rant (1.7mb)

lazy day saturday

2006-04-02T12:33:00.000-06:00

photozine name

2006-03-30T23:31:00.000-07:00

what should the name be?
i've had a few ideas for names..
if you suggest one and i pick it, you get a free copy.

here is what i had in mind

-foxtrot and eight broken whistles
-i have crooked teeth
-bangkouv'r
-godspeed, brave canadian

my warm bed

2006-03-25T22:55:00.000-07:00

who knew waking up to five hours on the telephone
could feel so good.
laziest day ever.
i love saturday mornings.

man i hate t.o.

2006-03-25T02:08:00.000-07:00

one more reason to hate terrell owens:
lyrics to his rap. i havn't heard the song yet, but check out these sick rhymes.

"And to the hater who said I wouldn't get my money
I'm laughing in your face, ha, ha that's funny
When it come to this game
I'm the best on the field
Some said I was gonna sign just a one-year deal
But I got what I wanted, up-front 10 mil
Changed the rules of the game, so now how you feel?
When I work my magic
When I catch that rock, I dominate like Shaq when he down on the block
And this will probably be my best season by far
No more get my Eagle on
Meet me at the star."

(lyrics copied and pasted from mtv.com)

top 5's

2006-03-19T22:54:00.000-07:00

music- songs
1. fingers-cut, megamachine!- our love (160 times)
2. broken social scene- ibi dreams of pavement (a better day) (120 times)
3. fingers-cut, megamachine!- shadows in the dark (103 times)
4. broken social scene- anthems for a seventeen year old girl (102 times)
5. fingers-cut, megamachine!- mousetrap (98 times)

music- albums
1. broken social scene- broken social scene
2. fingers-cut, megamachine!- pipe dreams ep
3. the elected- sun, sun, sun
4. damien rice- o
5. refused- the shape of punk to come

movies
1. happiness
2. kids
3. welcome to the dollhouse
4. the squid and the whale
5. palindromes

what are yours.

ello vee

2006-03-17T10:54:00.000-07:00

when objects condensate
i use my fingers to draw
the organ you need to live.
the organ that beats.
i write your initials in them.
i guess this is my way of saying how much

a) i love to draw.
b) i miss you.

the answer is b.

owen isn't the same.

2006-03-12T20:29:00.000-07:00

i never believed in fate.
until about 1am this morning.
had i not went into the casino-
i would be $20 richer, and no need to go to 7-11.
had i not stopped at the 7-11 to get cab money-
i would have been 3 minutes too early.
had i not caught a cab all 14 times i thought about it-
i wouldn't have even arrived.
but because i roamed downtown, past midnight.. all of this after 14 hours of working my ass off:

i got to see her. one. last. time.

i quit my job

2006-03-08T21:37:00.000-07:00

black-listed magazine and i are no longer.
dont ask me why. i dont want to talk about it.
its leaving a bitter taste in my mouth..

in the mean time i am going to create my own photozine.. heavily inspired by the one and only duto 'hardon'-o. i am shooting for an april release for my first copy. i am going to work on the technical shit and test it out, and like i said i will try to get my first issue out by april. so now that i am not writing for anything important right now, i am going to do this. but my writing is still up for grabs :)

the amnesiest: draft two

2006-03-02T22:34:00.000-07:00

the amnesiest (draft two)
(pdf format)

sheryl crow got punk'd

2006-03-02T08:21:00.000-07:00

i hate this cunt.
she left lance. and now she has cancer.
haha. i hope she dies because of it.

this is what i get for caring

2006-02-28T21:02:00.000-07:00

so i decided to check in with a dear friend of mine who i havn't really talked to in a month or so, lindsey. so i dig up her phone number, dial it and its ringing. this is what happens when you care and try to do these things.

(big black guy answers. i can tell he is big and black by the sound of his voice)
guy- hello?
me- uh, is lindsey there?
guy- who is this?!
me-uhh
guy- why do you want to talk to lindsey?!
me- uhh uhhh.
guy- who is this?!
me- uhh its.. joe

(by now im totally afraid that i dialed the wrong number. and i got some compton guys house, who just so happens to be dating a lindsey)

guy- *chuckles* yeah man hold on
me-...... uhh.... (cleaning up my pissy pants)

black guys are fucking intimidating on the phone.

p-l-a-c-e-s--t-o--g-o

2006-02-26T15:25:00.000-07:00

so i finally went to the doctor. well not a doctor, a walk in clinic downtown.
the room was cold and very blue. anyways, i got him to check out whats going on with my lower back and leg.
i have a small syst on some main nerve filled section of my lower spine. the worst part is, if i get it removed i might lose complete feeling or the loss of use in both of my legs. i can live with the syst, but i cant run anymore. not like i used to. but there goes my options of running during baseball. i can no longer kick with my right leg either. but thats okay, i dont need the use of kicking. anyways, the syst is pressed up against some tendons that run down and through my right leg, which helps numb it, but at the same time makes me walk funny because they are stretched at my spine where they shouldn't be stretched. but on the other hand, wheelchairs cant be so bad?

tickle the ivory

2006-02-26T02:16:00.000-07:00

jean buckle, teaches piano to high school students.. everything is fine with buckle family. except that her son is gay, her husband is an alcoholic, and her daughter is pregnant.

hey lil kim, hows prison?

2006-02-25T05:02:00.000-07:00

killers in the street.
im in a safe neighborhood.
you were a friend of mine,
but now you are my arch nemesis.

godspeed.

when homeless people shit

2006-02-21T23:02:00.000-07:00

i take the bus alot. i pretend to listen to music sometimes on a crowded bus. but honestly im eaves dropping.. shut up you do it too. anyways, hah. today somebody ran into an old friend. the somebody was with their wife, they met at work. she was stunning. he was just business man looking.
the funny thing about it.
she was probably the hottest shit in highschool, and wouldn't give a guy who looked like this the time of day because of his looks. at the same time i say this: hot guys in highschool, dont go get jobs for business'. they end up playing minor league sports and coaching/ or working for their dad at a welding company. so if you're still in highschool, and you're beautiful. give a nerdy guy the chance, because you'll probably hook up with him later when you work for telus.

comedy, no?

im champagne, you're shit

2006-02-19T18:47:00.000-07:00

the more i think about how much barry bonds has made over his career. im glad that:
-hes retiring after this season
-he hasn't won a championship.. i think
-poor kids in africa are still poor.

thank you barry bonds.
you big head motherfucker.

the amnesiest: draft one

2006-02-15T21:23:00.000-07:00

the more bus rides i take, the better i write.
draft one of my script. just for a heads up, i have made alot of changes since this version but if you want to read it, i would appreciate it.

pdf- the amnesiest (draft one)

see what i see? part two

2006-02-12T23:38:00.000-07:00

it has been years.
im feeling what you felt.
we're eachothers biggest mistake.
happy anniversary.

you are my infinite sadness.

haikus for the handicapped

2006-02-12T23:31:00.000-07:00

hey look at me now
i can walk better than you!
race me stump for legs.

you sit in wheelchairs
i walk on both of my legs
hey where is ashon?

see what i see?

2006-02-11T01:06:00.000-07:00

almost a year ago, i said a year ago i knew complete happiness.
this year: im miserable.

stars played at some croatian center today

2006-02-08T00:12:00.000-07:00

i've been thinking lately of my fortunes (or misfortunes based on the topic)
i always seem to end up being the best friend. im never more than.
fuck that, i start off being the best friend. this is what i think goes on when a girl gets to know me.
"wow. this guy is great, he is funny and he listens to me. not to mention a real gentleman.....
.... but he is kinda ugly. and a little on the heavy side. whats with the beard?.....
.... oh well hes a swell guy i'll let him tag along in my life so he can hear about my
shitty boyfriends in years to come"

i dont even bother trying to persue a girl. i intoduce myself like so:
"hi im cody bown?. i am going to be your best friend in a week or so. thanks you fucking cunt"

i hate my AD class

2006-02-03T12:13:00.000-07:00

right now i am in the mac lab supposed to be doing a shitty silence of the lambs schedualing assignment. my teacher has like three accents and i cant pick out which one she is.
lastnight we went out for drinks at this place called lou's. it wasn't too bad. about 8 of us went. i had a few drinks but nothing too major or minor. i am still fucking sick which isn't good. anyways. highlight of lastnight.
lastnight while just hanging out outside of lou's, getting some fresh air, across the street is a brand new mcdonalds. there were these three asians hanging out around midnight there, and it was clearly closed. one of the asians boosted the other to a section of the roof and they pulled eachother up. this building is roughly three or four storeys high. so they were holding onto a ledge and shimmied over to the right to a fire escape of an apartment. the climbed up to the top floor and kicked the door in. at that time another fellow came up to us and gave us eac a $20 bill and said "you never saw a thing.. correct?" once we agreed they ran out of the building, down the fire escape, and then bailed out on blenheim street. they had went inside and set the place on fire. the guy who approached us said that the people that lived there owed them money. its a shame, i mean.. that mcdonalds is brand new.

the whole world shit when:

2006-01-31T20:48:00.000-07:00

to add to my list of pet peeves on sports, ottawa senators backup goaltender ray emery, who is an avid boxing fan got a new mask. this new mask featured former boxer and rapist mike tyson on both sides. this apparently is next to murder. all the television sport channels had their crazy stupid headlines. each one more stupid than the next. emery, who is BLACK, can idolize whoever the fuck he wants. so what if he is a rapist and woman abuser. curtis joseph has had cujo, the dog as his mask all his career. didn't cujo KILL people? thats what i fucking thought. emery got in shit earlier in the year for dying his hair blonde... niggers aren't allowed to do shit in this league. no wonder there is only three of them. whats next: anson carter, cut those dread locks. mike grier, loose those big black lips. haha. what a fucking joke, go fuck yourself ottawa.

sports rant

2006-01-28T20:52:00.000-07:00

there is an ever increasing list of things that annoy me. and with sports, the list is bigger than the amount of jews that got slaughtered by germany. here is a small list.

nbc/americans broadcasting hockey
because no one gives a flying fuck about hockey south of canada, stupid channels like nbc are starting to broadcast games, and are putting moron announcers on. every saturday nbc broadcasts a few afternoon games. at first the concept was great, but now its just getting annoying. it started about three weeks ago and now im already sick of it. those morons have to explain the rules everytime something happens, because idiot americans dont know what hockey is. "ohh and chelios crosses the blue line resulting in an offside. which means when a player crosses the offensive zone, before the puck does". then they have to explain the meaning of a high stick. jesus christ.

"just two teams battling it out"
i was watching college basketball today, well. no i wasn't. i was checking scores and college basketball was on, and during the half the coach for oklahoma said "its just two teams battling it out".. no its not actually. there is no merit to say that two teams are battling it out, when it isn't a contact sport. now hockey is a given, teams can battle it out. football is a shoe in for this phrase, but i mean. basketball? are you fucking high?

don cherry
i know, i should love this asshole, but i dont. with him, cbc is the most biased sporting broadcasters ever. as a rule, you are not allowed to be biased. and that is a rule. but cbc fucking loves the leafs. don cherry only talks about leaf players, and he gives props to the stupidest of leaf players. much like darcy tucker. don cherry came in his pants when jay harrison made one good defensive play. who gives a flying fuck. don cherry in my opinion needs to not be such a cunt and talk a little bit more of western hockey. you virtually never hear anything about alberta teams anymore.

colorado avalanche fans
i think youre the only team still booing todd bertuzzi. get over it already. its been almost two years. this is going to get dragged out almost as long as crying about september 11th. during tonights game bertuzzi took a pretty good slash right in the wrist, and there was no penalty called, but the fans chanted and cheered and im sure everybody watching the game at home probably cheered and got out of their seat to say in your face bertuzzi.. and then in the third period some cunts threw shit at bertuzzi ahaha. how ignorant. and you play yourselves off like the best fans compared to us. shut up you ignorant assholes.

egos
i dont really get why people have such high egos. especially barry bonds. i mean this asshole has the biggest ego ever. but a few years ago during the playoffs when a reporter called him on it bonds (wearing a rainbow sweater) replied "next question.. because it was stupid" and "what did you want me to do, go 6 for 6 with 6 home runs" well barry bonds. yes, you think your hot shit, then go get your 6 home runs a game. basketball players also have really large egos, and no one should have one unless they are playing on a last place team, and they win the championship.

gonna walk walk walk

2006-01-26T23:23:00.000-07:00

broadway: i miss the bus.
11th: it starts to rain.
13th: a stranger notices sadness.
18th: the rain stops.
26th: a steady climb.
30th: i break down.
30th: i take a seat.
30th: i am finally all out of hurt.
i have no more blocks to walk.
i have no more heart to be broken.
30th: i catch the bus. im the only one on it.
41st & canarvon: i get off the bus
dunbar: the rain picks up once again.
olympic: sigh.

im waiting for karma

2006-01-26T10:58:00.000-07:00

things are going too good for me right now. i get to see more people i give a rats ass to see. on a creative level, im on top of my world. i am just feeling great.. and i hate it.
nothing can go this good for me without something fucking up and ruining it all. i am destined to find out what the hell it is. not only that, but i dont believe in karma, but it will come back to me. i have done good deeds lately, and haven't really been a prick in the last few months. but karma wont come back in a positive way, it never has. it always comes back to me more negative then my aids test. im just waiting for it to happen.

300th post

2006-01-25T18:03:00.000-07:00

wow. the truth made it to 300 posts.
thanks for reading jerks.

waste of flesh dept.

2006-01-25T09:57:00.000-07:00

NFL cheerleaders have learned to not only type, but publish a blog. God help us all.

"i like to cum on girls faces"

2006-01-23T00:56:00.000-07:00

kobe "i like to cum on girls faces, because thats what i do" bryant scored 81 points tonight in a game vs the toronto raptors. what an asshole.
that means the rest of his team only scored 41 points combined tonight in the 122-something win.
i repeat, what an asshole.

i put razor blades in your shoes

2006-01-23T00:39:00.000-07:00

on this walk.
its raining.
but its one of those rains where
the rain doesn't fall.
it just exists.
much like my broken heart.